“Like all losses, people who go through a divorce go through a grieving process,” says Sharon Shenker, therapeutic Family and Relationship Coach. “Unfortunately, some men and women are either stuck in the process or think they have moved on but really haven’t. And when that happens, it’s difficult to thrive after a divorce because they’re actually still just trying to survive it.”
Try this 10-part quiz, developed by Sharon Shenker, to find out how far you’ve come or if you have some post-divorce work to do. For each question, choose an answer that best describes your situation or how you’re feeling. Once completed, review your mini-evaluation for insights on where you are in the process and what you can do to go from a divorce survivor to a divorce “thriver”.
Just remember that there are no right or wrong answers.
How do you feel on an average day?
How much of the failed relationship do you feel is or was your responsibility?
How would you describe post-divorce or post-separation relations with your former partner?
What do you immediately think when you hear or read about "self-care"?
How often do your children hear you say something nice or positive about their other parent?
Since your divorce, how would you describe your feelings about love?
In light of handling new routines, schedules and activities, how do new goals fit into your life now?
Right now, what’s your view on support groups, counselling, coaching or participating in a relationship review?
In light of everything you’ve been through with your divorce, how do you feel about dating?
Are you putting out positive energy to others around you?
You’re done! Click on the “submit” button below to get your mini-evaluation.
Stuck in splitsville
Heading out of splitsville
So over it!
It sounds as though you haven’t been able to deal with the sadness and anger that normally come with divorce. It could be that the split is fairly recent or it’s just taking you time to work through the hurt.
On the other hand, you may be stuck because you haven’t accepted responsibility for the break-up of your marriage. Sure, you may feel that you have every right to blame your ex, but unless you start to take responsibility for your part of the relationship, moving forward will be difficult — if not impossible.
While you may be adapting to a new routine, make time for yourself to learn more about the emotional side of divorce. Have an open and honest conversation with someone you trust, explore information on the Internet,, or join a support group. You can also search Find Support for local agencies and organizations that help people work through divorce.
In the meantime, read The split decision for ideas on how to relieve the stress you are likely feeling.
Remember: you can do it!
As the saying goes, “You’ve come a long way, baby!” But you’re not quite where you want to be yet. Remember that there isn’t a time limit on how long you should take to work your way through the emotions that normally come with divorce. But if you’re feeling that you’ve made some progress but can’t seem to get to where you want to be, then you may need some help.
Think about the rest of your life. Do you want to start dating again some day? Maybe take classes or train for a different profession? Perhaps your goal is to reach the point where you can actually accept your ex for who they are and start to work at being better parents for your children? Whatever it is that you’re working toward, know that you can do it!
Continue to make time to learn more about the emotional side of divorce and consider learning from others who have successfully “been there, done that.” Explore information on the Internet, or join a support group.You can also search Find Support for local agencies and organizations that help people work through divorce.
In the meantime, read Dealing with divorce or separation stress for ideas on how to relieve the stress you are likely feeling.
Keep going — you’re almost there!
Congratulations! It sounds like you’ve worked through your divorce, or have cleared major hurdles in splitsville. Sure, it may have been tough at times, but you’ve come out of it with your head held high and your confidence intact.
If you have set goals for yourself, now is the time to fine-tune your plan for achieving them. Keep reviewing your goals to ensure you’re aimed in the direction you want to go. And then keep going. Empowerment is powerful! Just remember that the healing process is not a straight course; there may be occasional setbacks as you move from surviving, coping and accepting, all the way to thriving. Don’t take a setback as a failure; it’s just part of the normal process.
To keep yourself working toward your new and rewarding life, don’t feel as though you have to do it alone. Explore information on the Internet, or join a support group. You can also search Find Support for local agencies and organizations that help people work through divorce.
Best of luck!